girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Dick very happy bro
Randomize
