It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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