just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
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