I wannas sexs uuuuu
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Randomize
