4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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