I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Randomize
