I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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