How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Randomize
