i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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