I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
