I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
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