i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
