I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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