Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Success! We fucked roommates!
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
I woke up under a house in Key West
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