Why are handjobs necessary in class?
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Randomize
