So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
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