this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
