I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Randomize
