The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
You did what with his pubic hair?
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