u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
