you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Randomize
