is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
Randomize
