Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Randomize
