He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
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