Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Randomize
