We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize