is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Holy sore nipples Batman
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
