ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Randomize
