new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
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