I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
