You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
wow bdsm is so cute
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Randomize
