woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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