Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
There's even glitter on my cock...
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