you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
