Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
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