mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Randomize
