why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
