'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
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