i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
