All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
