Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
You pole danced in your parka.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
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