Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
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