Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
only you would photoshop your dick
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
false alarm, still single
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
