you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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