there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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