So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
the day after is always just damage control
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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