I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Randomize
