just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Randomize