I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
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the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
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There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.