I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
21 Porn Stars Confess What Sex Is Really Like On Set
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
19 People That Found Pubes In All The Wrong Places
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.