Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
