I haven't been this sober since birth.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Randomize
