So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
My vagina is very pro this idea
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
