Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Randomize
