Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
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