Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
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