there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
