only if we run a train.
done.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
You left your phone here
Wait...
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
