you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
