Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
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