I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
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