oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
