I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Randomize
