Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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