Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize
