just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
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