I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
