I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
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