ya dads aren't the best wingmen
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
