What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
