2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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