I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Randomize
