I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
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