well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
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