I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
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