Where did you get a picture of my penis
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
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