I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
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